Sunday, February 24, 2008

You Think Your Youth a Permanent Truth

Some local organizations played host to an '80s prom last night as a benefit for kids with cancer. Or at least that's what it sounded like to me. I was pretty ripped. Point is, there was an '80s prom and sick kids were the cause du jour.

Anywho, it was held at this restaurant and brewery overlooking the river and it looked like the setting for some '80s movie: expensive boats, glitter streamers, balloon arches, etc. At least half the guys there were dressed like Glenn from "The Wedding Singer," which seemed like appropriate costumes since they all seemed to have that same personality. Thus, my friend and I were the perennial Robbies of the night. Unlike Robbie, thugh, we did not end up with Drew Barrymore, nor did we get to see Billy Idol on a plane. And unless I was really drunk, I don't think we even ended up on a plane.

The real noteworthy costumes were what the women were wearing. There were a lot of 20-somethings in spandex, jean cut-offs, New Kids shirts and other things that have earned the latter-day '80s designation. I think for most of the 20-somethings there last night, our knowledge of '80s fashion comes from what we've seen in movies and on TV. There were people who looked a lot less garish last night and when I saw their faces i realized they were probably around for the '80s the first time. Those people were probably able to just pull something out of their closet and didn't have to go to discount stores or the mall. Their outfits were authentic and that is why they didn't seem to match what the rest of us were wearing.

I then tried to identify what about the '80s is so appealing to people who would have been zygotes in this era. We certainly never wore the outfits we wear to events such as this and '80s dance night. I like to go for the music, but I'm probably a rarity in my passion for new wave. I think it comes down to escapism and nostalgia. Again, it's not nostalgia for for the outfits or music for most of these people, but for some time that isn't now. It could be a '20s party where you come as a flapper and it wouldn't matter. Approximating the outfit to actual styles of the time isn't the point, but rather allowing yourself a new identity in the form of dress-up. That's why there are so many caricature outfits that would never have actually been worn in the '80s. And that, I think, is the real point.

There was one girl who wore a hat that for some reason made me think of Anna from "The O.C." I approached her to tell her this, and she said, "Let's go dance." She thought my friend and I were couple, and we thought she was kind of hardcore. I liked her "I slept with Madonna" button she was wearing, but I don't think she liked my "I slept with Boy George" button. She that introduced us to her friend who was wearing a dress that looked like Ellen Burstyn's dress in "Requiem For A Dream." A guy who later said he was her husband asked us to smack her ass, and we asked to be excused. It was time to hunt for more beers.

I did, however, learn a great joke last night:

Q: What has nine arms and sucks?
A: Def Leppard.

Survey question
Why would you go to an '80s night? Or if you wouldn't, why wouldn't you?

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Experimental Music Love

OkCupid is a site that, similar to Match.com and eHarmony, matches potential mates. It also matches potential "friends" looking for "activity partners," which is a separate designation from "casual sex partners." Unlike those two other sites, OkCupid is free. Meaning there's a lot of funnier shit on there.

Two co-workers encouraged me to join. I was hesitant at first, but I realized I was missing the potential boon in joining. I was probably not going to find Mr. or Ms. Right in all this, but I'd probably get an amusing story. And that, my friends, has been a determining factor in most of the decisions I have made since turning 18.

Amusing anecdotes start now.

The site ranks your matches based on how many questions they answer in the way you'd want them to answer them. So, they will ask the question, ask for your answer, how your ideal match would answer that question, and how relevant his/her answer would be. The questions range from lifestyle (How often do you drink? Use the computer? Wash your towels?) to sexual (Do you want to be dominated? Do you want to wear a costume? Would you act out a rape fantasy?) to more serious (Would you abort a retarded baby?) and the like.

Some of the user-generated questions are the real gems of the site. Once you've answered 500 or more questions, you earn the privilege of writing your own questions.

The following are actual questions that users have submitted and have thus made it into OkCupid's rotation:

Q: If you were offered the opportunity to eat human meat prepared any way you like, would you at least try it?

I'd like it as a pan-fry skillet at Famous Amos.

Q: Imagine that you discover your lover incapacitated due to alcohol and/or drugs. He or she has left a note requesting that you take sexual advantage of him or her. What would you do?

Put her on the sofa. I don't want her vomiting on my couch.

Q: Imagine that while passing by on a walk, you see another adult kick their dog - hard. How would you respond?

I'd kick the person who wrote this question and who mixed singular and plural possessives.

Q: Imagine you are at a busy event when you come across a child who appears to be lost, alone, and distressed. How would you respond?

"You like gladiator movies?"

Q: Would it bother you if you were sleeping and your lover started fondling you to initiate sex?

Only if I were dreaming of having sex with someone I liked more.

There are more, but I think you get the idea. These questions probably shouldn't amuse me as much as they do, but then again, I am someone who appreciates a good knock-knock joke. So I'm easily entertained. I have answered more than 900 questions, partly because I want to see more questions. But now I want to write my own questions.

Possibility:

Q: If I were to say, "Today was a good day," what would you say?
A: "I didn't even have to use my AK!"

Survey question
What do YOU think I should put as a question? Keep in mind, I'm not looking for Ms. or Mr. Right. I'm looking for a good anecdote to put on this blog.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Flowers She Sent and the Flowers She Said She Sent

Valentine's Day can be romantic if you're in a relationship, and that person lives near you, and things are going smoothly.

But for the rest of us, it can be a real douche of a day.

So, here are some things you can do to make today a fun day for yourself.

1. Bring cookies to work. Share them only with single people or people whose significant others are out of town or in a coma. Widows and widowers get double cookies. (Unless they're remarried.)

2. For the daring baker, get a heart-shaped pan and make a cookie cake. Again, share only with single people or people whose loved ones are away/dead/comatose. My mom sent me a heart-shaped cookie my freshman year in college and I was successful in keeping it away from couples, until couple who lived on the floor stole it. And ate it.

3. Get a group of single people or people whose loved ones are away/dead/comatose and treat yourselves to a nice dinner. Dress up and the wine flow.

4. Have a movie night. Romantic comedies might depress you by reminding you of what you don't have, but movies about dysfunctional relationships might depress you by reminding you of what is wrong with your life. Thus, John Cusack movies should probably be skipped. Try a zombie flick.

5. Treat yourself throughout the day. A coffee, a nice lunch, a new book, etc. It's nothing compared to the shit that you'd be paying for if you were celebrating a conventional Valentine's Day.

6. Pick a different day to celebrate Valentine's Day. Most couples put stock in their anniversary or the day they met. You can pick August 14, which is exactly a half year away.

7. Call someone up and say, "Happy VD." When they say, "Happy Valentine's Day to you, too," say, "No, VD. Venereal disease. I have one." Then hang up. The best people to call on that are ex-girlfriends, girlfriend's mothers, convents and pawn shops. Why pawn shops? People will ask to buy anything.

8. Visit someone, like a grandparent or an aunt or an uncle. If you can't visit them, call them. They'll appreciate it and it will remind you that you don't have to have the Hallmark kind of life.

9. Hang out at a flower shop. Guys buying flowers can be an awesome thing to behold. Especially if one of them is wearing gold chains and telling his friend to buy the baby's breath. It's a true story, and your mission is to go into a flower shop and witness something funnier.

Survey question
What would YOU add to the list?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The consumer's king and unhappiness is treason

"I worshipped George Lucas. I spent so much money on that guy's bullshit, but now, to me, I look at those two movies as betrayal. To me it's like, your uncle put his wiener near your mouth."
--Comedian Brian Posehn on the first two prequels

I've seen some of the "Clone Wars" shorts from Cartoon Network and they're not bad. If anything, they're enjoyable because you don't have to watch actors stumble through the bad dialogue. You only have to hear them.

But I'll go see it, because I'm a sucker for punishment. The timing on this is pretty good, because since 1999, George Lucas has been disppointing me once every three years. Last time was 2005 and I was beginning to ease up on my stance that he was an opportunist who had o problem pissing on the legacy of good movies. But it looks like he has a full bladder.

'Star Wars: The Clone Wars' due Aug. 15 [The Los Angeles Times]

Survey question
Does every great movie series, TV series, band, etc. have a weak link that die-hard fans dismiss as apocrypha? "Star Wars" has the prequels, "The Godfather" has part III, "The Golden Girls" have the "Golden Palace" years. Can this be said of all great things, and how badly does the shitty release affect the over all series/band/etc.?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

It's A Crime

Finally, I can understand the countless references and quotes.

After 26 years on this planet, I have finally seen "The Godfather."

You read that correctly. Until Tuesday, February 5, 2008, I had not seen "The Godfather," often cited as the best movie ever made. Easily the most spoofed, referenced and quoted movie ever made, too.

The ramifications of this are astounding. It's a classic in this country and I bet that there are more Americans who've seen this movie than there are Americans who've read the Bible. You could sooner find someone who'd admit to voting for Bush or Nader than you could find someone who hadn't seen that movie. You'd think that after four years of college, two of which I lived in a dorm, I would have been cured of this condition. Weirdly enough, the movie is one of of four movies upon which my family members can agree. ("Star Wars," "Animal House" and "The Blues Brothers" are the other three. Don't worry; I've seen all those.)

What's more amazing is that I'm supposed to be a movie buff. Or so people think, and I gladly let them think so. I talk about movies ad nauseam and go through Netflix rentals "like water." I've seen "Howard The Duck," "Elizabethtown" and "How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days," but it took me 26 years to see "The Godfather."

I fucking loved it. The plot, the dialogue, the colors, the cinematography, the music, the way they showed doors, everything. I should be beat down for not having seen said movie until now. I hadn't seen "Sling Blade" or "The Graduate" until a few weeks ago, or "Silence Of The Lambs" until a few years ago, but I need a good whoopin' for this cinematic transgression. Holy motherfuck.

Survey question
What's the most shocking entry on your list of movies you've never seen?

Now that "The Godfather" is not on there, the contenders are:
"Goodfellas"
"Apocalypse Now"
"One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"

And people shriek when they hear I've never seen:
"The Birdcage"
"The Little Mermaid"
"Trainspotting"
"Pirates Of The Caribbean*"

*Though I have seen the second one. A co-worker wanted someone to go with her and she said, "Just imagine the first movie was 'The Princess Bride' and you'll be able to follow." Everyone who's heard me retell that has said that this woman must obviously know nothing about either movie. Someone else went so far as to say that comparing those two movies is like comparing "Veggie Tales" with "Apocalypse Now."

But I wouldn't know.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

All My Little Words

A cursory look at Newseum's front page gallery on Monday showed 36 pages that featured the phrase "Giant upset" in the Super Bowl coverage. And that was from looking only at the thumbnails.

If only I had counted one more, putting the total at 37.

"Try not to write any headlines on the way to the parking lot."

I Will Never Be Your Wife
This weekend, proponents of an amendment to ban same-sex marriage in Florida succeeded in getting the measure on the November ballot. I shouldn't be surprised. Nor should I be surprised at how many news outlets referred to it as a "gay marriage" amendment.

"Gay marriage" totally fits in headline specs in ways that "same-sex marriage" wouldn't fit. I take issue with "gay marriage," though:
1) "Gay" sometimes means men only, and I think women who want to marry other women would want to be included
2) We have no way of knowing if the people seeking same-sex marriages are indeed "gay"
3) Bisexuals should be included
4) I don't think the people at city hall would make you confirm that you are indeed gay
5) Gay men and lesbians can marry each other, but what is not permitted is same-sex marriage

My passion on this issue comes partly from my defense of bisexuality. I've noticed a tendency to label same-sex couples as gay couples, and that bothers me. If I get married to a woman, it won't be a straight marriage, and if I get married to a man, it won't be a gay marriage. A person's sexual identity should come from their own terms rather than the gender of the people whom they date.

Beyond that, I'm a stickler about language in general. "Baptist" and "Southern Baptist" are not the same designation, just as "Anglican Catholic" carries different weight than simply saying "Catholic." The name Dannals is not the same as Daniels and should not be pronounced as such. Granted, this splitting of hairs says nothing of a person's values. You won't necessarily lose points with me for saying these things. But if you start to say it and then correct yourself mid-sentence, you will most definitely gain points.

And I probably tick people off by starting sentences with "but" and "and," and they have every right to be ticked. I should probably rewrite some of these sentences. But not now.

Survey question
Which misuse of a word or phrase ticks you off more than any other?

Besides "gay marriage," "moot" gets to me. I blame Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl" for legitimizing the use of "moot" to mean "not up for debate. Really, the word meant that something was up for debate and not settled. Dictionaries will now honor both definitions, so I shouldn't be too bitter. But I am.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Things We Did and Didn't Do

"I think that gay men and women ought to have the same rights as heterosexual men and women, to make contracts, to have hospital visiting rights and to join together in marriage."
--Al Gore in 2008

Footage of Mitt Romney speaking about the importance of a woman's right to choose has been key in the arguments that he's a "flip-flopper." When shown in juxtaposition with clips of him speaking out against abortion, this footage confuses the viewer as to what Romney really thinks and whether anything he says can be trusted.

"Flip-flopper," of course, isn't new; Republicans used the term on John Kerry in 2004.

My initial reaction toward Al Gore's about-face on same-sex marriage was that it was too little, too late. A public figure speaking positively about same-sex marriage should be a good thing, and it would be, if only that same public figure hadn't been part of the administration responsible for the Defense of Marriage Act and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

The cynic in me finds it convenient that he's taking these "radical" stances now that he's not in office or running for office. Now that he's "Al Gore, private citizen," he can say all the things that he as a politician couldn't. And then I got really cynical and wondered what Hillary Clinton's view on same-sex marriage would be if she had nothing to lose, if she had no fear of alienating potential voters.

But then it occurred to me that maybe I should just be grateful Gore's taking any stance at all. Maybe he's not flip-flopping, but rather just evolving in his thoughts. Such progression in thoughts should be welcomed, not criticized, right?

If that's the case, then how to we judge Romney? Kerry?

"Gore's endorsement of same-sex marriage is a step up from his earlier position in support of domestic partner benefits for gays and civil unions—but not gay marriage. During his run in the 2000 presidential race, Gore stated he was in opposition of 'changing the institution of marriage as it is presently understood—between a man and a woman.'"
Al Gore Backs Gay Marriage [ChicagoPride.com]

Survey question
How should we define "flip-flopping"? If I change my mind on an issue, is that flip-flopping? Or is it only flip-flopping if I'm a politician? Does a person forfeit the right to change his or her opinion when becoming a politician?