The Flowers She Sent and the Flowers She Said She Sent

Valentine's Day can be romantic if you're in a relationship, and that person lives near you, and things are going smoothly.

But for the rest of us, it can be a real douche of a day.

So, here are some things you can do to make today a fun day for yourself.

1. Bring cookies to work. Share them only with single people or people whose significant others are out of town or in a coma. Widows and widowers get double cookies. (Unless they're remarried.)

2. For the daring baker, get a heart-shaped pan and make a cookie cake. Again, share only with single people or people whose loved ones are away/dead/comatose. My mom sent me a heart-shaped cookie my freshman year in college and I was successful in keeping it away from couples, until couple who lived on the floor stole it. And ate it.

3. Get a group of single people or people whose loved ones are away/dead/comatose and treat yourselves to a nice dinner. Dress up and the wine flow.

4. Have a movie night. Romantic comedies might depress you by reminding you of what you don't have, but movies about dysfunctional relationships might depress you by reminding you of what is wrong with your life. Thus, John Cusack movies should probably be skipped. Try a zombie flick.

5. Treat yourself throughout the day. A coffee, a nice lunch, a new book, etc. It's nothing compared to the shit that you'd be paying for if you were celebrating a conventional Valentine's Day.

6. Pick a different day to celebrate Valentine's Day. Most couples put stock in their anniversary or the day they met. You can pick August 14, which is exactly a half year away.

7. Call someone up and say, "Happy VD." When they say, "Happy Valentine's Day to you, too," say, "No, VD. Venereal disease. I have one." Then hang up. The best people to call on that are ex-girlfriends, girlfriend's mothers, convents and pawn shops. Why pawn shops? People will ask to buy anything.

8. Visit someone, like a grandparent or an aunt or an uncle. If you can't visit them, call them. They'll appreciate it and it will remind you that you don't have to have the Hallmark kind of life.

9. Hang out at a flower shop. Guys buying flowers can be an awesome thing to behold. Especially if one of them is wearing gold chains and telling his friend to buy the baby's breath. It's a true story, and your mission is to go into a flower shop and witness something funnier.

Survey question
What would YOU add to the list?