Crazy For You (But Not That Crazy)

I am no Nostradamus, but I have a good idea as to how the next nine months could play out:

I. The Democratic candidate won't be decided until the convention
A. Clinton and Obama will continue to campaign
B. They will continue to give speeches great for sound bites
C. They will deride the other's speeches and split hairs about their comments
D. We will forever hear about Obama's pastor, his comments about "bitter" voters and Clinton's embellished story about being in Bosnia with Sinbad

II. It will become McCain's game to fuck up
A. He can get votes from those who genuinely like him
B. He can get from people who want to socially active like his wife
C. He can get votes from people who want to be sexually active with his wife
D. He can get votes from people sick of Clinton and Obama

III. Third party candidates have everything to gain
A. See II.D.

IV. Michael Moore will deflect blame from the Democrats
A. If the Republican wins, he won't bring up anything the Democrats did or failed to do
B. If the Republican wins, it will be the fault of any candidate in the race who isn't Obama or Clinton (see past blames on Monica Moorehead and Ralph Nader)

V. Michael Moore will not be alone
A. Susan Sarandon
B. Bill Maher
C. Al Gore

What I'd rather have, though, is this:

I. Obama and Hilary agree to one last debate, the winner of whom takes the nomination
A. And by "debate," they actually compete against each other on "American Gladiators"
B. Instead of garnering points, they collect delegates
C. Instead of Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali, you can have John McCain, dressed like Hulk Hogan

II. Third party candidates to make this interesting
A. David Lee Roth
B. Billy Dee Williams
C. Pedro

III. A sound-bite quota, similar to limited minutes on a cell phone plan

IV. A panda
A. Pandas make everything better
B. He could eat the losers

Again, I am no Nostradamus, but I tend to be pretty good at predicting the twists on soap operas.